1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
