none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
