Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
