before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
