my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
