I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize