you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
