I just saw a hot homeless man
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
