Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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