WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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