last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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