There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
