You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
