"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
