Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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