Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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