I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
