i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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