he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
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You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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