the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
