I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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