you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i think i just lost a toe
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
