I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂