There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"