You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.