I think about you every night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...