billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....