But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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