I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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