im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
