i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize