Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
