I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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