That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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