Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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