Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
