If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
