The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
