I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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