Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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