She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
