omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
