I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
