If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
