How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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