New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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