Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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