I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man