remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
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I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.