My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife