mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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