we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
