I love black thongs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
