so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize