I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
