"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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