How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
