I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
