the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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