If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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