my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
