Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
