The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
